Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
