there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
