I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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