Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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