he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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