Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
