told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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