Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
