I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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