Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
