The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
