I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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