If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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