I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
