I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Rumble strips road head = magical
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
