I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You need a sexual gate keeper
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
