Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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