I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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