shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
