I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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