So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
