do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Im part way to drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
