Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
