I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
