yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
