dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
