Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
