I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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