How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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