you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
