Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
