his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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