drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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