mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
