garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
