She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
