We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
