need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A bitchslap is in order.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
