you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
