Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
