turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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