My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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