dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
