I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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