The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
