You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
