According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize