there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
