can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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