Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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