For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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