i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
